Work Rant and Then Some

Ok so I wrote this yesterday but never posted it so we'll just pretend that today was yesterday. If that makes sense. Even if it doesn't. Just go with it.



Oooh today! Today was a day. The world got smaller, darker. I grew more afraid.

Not really, but I had to throw that in there. If you know what that's from (without googling it) you win a high five. If not, you win a high five to the face. LuvsMeSumEdward, this was for you.

Back to where I was going with that. Today was a day that mentally face punched me. I have to vent and since I was venting all over twitter/emails/IMs, I figured I might as well post it for ya'll to see.

Not sure if she's venting or just has really bad breath.

So a lot of you may not know this but I do not get paid to tweet and blog, even though it appears that way. I have an actual real life job that kicks my ass on a daily basis. I don't really have a job title because I do a bazillion different things for our three different locations. I have to deal with a lot of clients on an hourly basis. Some are high profile  (production companies and lawyers for VERY famous people) and others are just small little businesses. Regardless, they all mostly pay us a ton of money to do shit for them. We're like prostitutes but without the sexual stuff, nakedness or daddy issues.

Our client's are the big guy.

So everything was smooth sailing this morning. But then I got this sweet lil email from a client that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And by that, I mean it made me feel pissy and stabby. I had sent her an email earlier in the day apologizing that we were still working on her case and doing everything we could to resolve her problem.


 I've changed some of the wording to protect my company just in case this blog gets famous one day, my company sees it and I get my ass sued (no, I don't work for Summit). Let's say for arguement's sake that I work for H00r Outlet. And  that we sell h00rs.

Jaymes-

I am so unimpressed with H00r Outlet . I want to do nothing more than scream at you and anyone else from your company.  Am I getting a new h00r or not?! I was told that one would be overnighted to arrive on Wednesday. It’s now Friday and there is no new h00r, no actual human phone call from H00r Outlet as promised, and all I have is this LAME apology e-mail from you with yet again no actual resolution to my ongoing h00r problems.

This “intermittent issue” has been going on since I got this h00r! You have had MONTHS to test and it apparently hasn’t been done.

I am ready to throw this h00r out the window and fireH00r Outlet  for total incompetence! And I KNOW that you are indeed NOT doing everything you can to get this h00r working for me, OR IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WORKING LONG AGO!!!

-Satan

I was immediately pissed and hurt but then after talking to other people in my company, I learned that she always goes off on people like this and is bat shit a wee crazy. I spent a while calming myself down and resarching her "issue" (which apparently is the fact that she's a raging cunt dracula among other things) and realized that we'd gotten this complaint from her about 5 months prior and told her people how to fix it and that it wasn't OUR issue. It was theirs. In nicer words obviously but that's the gist of it. So I wrote her back nicely and explained that we would have our people call her on Monday and explain everything to her, that there were some misunderstandings about her getting a new "h00r" because that would not resolve the issue. She then wrote me back again. and again, I've changed some of the wording.


Jaymes, I don’t really understand how the h00r NOT LETTING ME DO IT is a network issue. That would certainly seem to be a hardware issue to me. That was reported on Tuesday, it is now late Friday and NO action has been taken on your part.

I WILL NOT BE TALKING TO ANYONE FROM H00RS OUTLET ON MONDAY. You people are a total waste of my time! You may call my IT guy directly and deal with him on Monday.

Because I'm awesome, I decided not to respond. But had I been able to write back the words I wanted to use, it would have been something along the lines of this:

Dear Bitchface-

Screw yourself. Who in the hell are you to talk to another human being this way? Especially one as awesome as myself, which you would know if you weren't such a dick. I'm sorry your h00r isn't living up to your expectations but I'm guessing nothing in your life is, due to the fact that the stick up your ass is clouding your opinion of everything else. You want to fire our company? Gladly. I would rather lick a homeless man's foot than deal with your bullshit for one more day. The fact that you are a youth leader makes me fear for our future generations. I hope they don't grow up to be as twaty as you. Do us all a favor and beat yourself over the head with your h00r until you pass out and save the people in your life from having to put up with another second of hearing you bitch and moan about every damn thing. You are the devil. Eat shit and die.

-Jaymes

PS- Oh by the way, just a heads up...those porn magazine subscriptions that will be arriving at your office addressed to you? You're welcome.


*The idea for the porn magazine came to me from Myaftercar. Such a good idea!!