Thursday, January 20, 2011

Laundry Basket Lovin

I was watching Chelsea Lately a few days ago and she covered a story that creeped me the fuck me out. Please know that I consider myself to be one of the most open minded, non judgmental people in the world. I love the vast different lifestyles that my friends lead and as long as it’s not hurting someone else, let your freak flag fly. You go, girls!



Ok, now that I got how awesome I am out of the way, WHAT THE FUCK is this lady’s problem?!  Apparently this woman is a tad bit fed up with her marriage because she is the “breadwinner” of the family. She talks about how her sexual desire has changed and how she cannot reach an orgasm from her husband… blah blah blah. The fact of the matter is YES, people have highs and lows in marriages/relationships, I’ve been there.


That's what this is for!

However I have NEVER turned to my household items for sexual gratification. But this lady did. She started getting it on with her LAUNDRY basket! To watch the video, click here because for some reason I can't post it on our blog


 What baffles me about this story is HOW did she choose the laundry basket? Was she sitting on the washer during the spin cycle, looked over at it and said, “Hey you, wanna join?” I cannot fathom why she would get turned on by this item, maybe it chose her I don’t know. I have to be honest, I just watched the highlight about this story and maybe it covers how she chose her laundry lover but I don’t think I can sit through an hour of  a story about that type of lovemaking

This is the exact model she used. We have this same one at home.
I found it waiting for me on my bed the other day in the spot where I sleep. Jaymes is such a dick.
(Note from Jaymes: You looked a little sexually frustrated, I was just trying to help you out)


How do you even tell your husband, it’s not you, it’s the laundry basket? If I went to town on a that thing, I would be so ashamed I wouldn’t even tell Jaymes, and I tell her EVERYTHING.  Yet this woman goes on a talk show, publicly humiliates her husband …for what? If I were him, I’d put sharp objects all over her basket and get even.

 I just don't get it!

While writing this blog and searching for pictures, I came upon some different types of laundry baskets. Perhaps I should send her an email with suggestions but instead I'll post them here in hopes that maybe she'll come across this blog (or not since I just insulted her big time) and pick up the following tips.


In a galaxy far, far away...your world will be rocked.


I don't know about you but this seems like it would chafe.



Folds in half for all of your sexual needs.


Can be raised or lowered. You can cum come to it or it can come to you.



I think her husband was confused when she said her pussy loves the laundry basket.

Hopefully this lady finds some other type of satisfaction down the road other than household items. I'm sure it's going to make life difficult in the long run if she ever has houseguests over and they see her going to town on the dustpan. Along with being awkward, it's just very unsanitary.


-Demanda

37 comments:

17foreverlisa said...

ROFLMFAO!!! This is one of the funniest blog posts I've ever read and trust me, I've read a lot over the last couple of years.

...maybe it chose her

*wipes tears* Seriously funny. Have to tweet the link.

Lisa

Snarkier Than You said...

I've heard of people having some strange fetishes, but...the LAUNDRY BASKET?! this totally makes NO sense! but it is REALLY funny! that poor dude - cuckolded by THAT! eesh.

Smitten said...

Hey now Amanda, don't blame the laundry basket!!! But seriously, WEIRD!!! Not at all what I'd pick. And no, I don't know what I would pick, just that it wouldn't be the laundry basket!

Anyhoo, totally LMAO!!! I can't even say what had me laughing the hardest, there were just too many!!!

You must've had a good giggle at this over lunch today!!

xo

Living with Edward said...

First, I can't believe that video is on Oprah's website. Secondly, I can't believe she gets of on a laundry basket. All the while complaining that her husbands cock is too big. Too big? Her hubby is basically an FF fantasy waiting to happen and she's complaining??!! I bet her tiara is too loose, her 50s don't fit in her wallet and her diamond shoes are too tight. Life's a bitch.

Living with Edward said...

Ps. I hope she realizes that by going on national television and proclaiming that their biggest marital problem is the his cock is too big, there is going to be a long line of women offering themselves to him. Not to mention the huge porn star deal he is going to get and then he can leave the family for good, cause you know, he'll be all famous for his big dick. She not so smart!

TheonlyMrs(Kassie)Cullen said...

Oh my god you mean to tell me you don't also have an affair with your laundry basket???

Ummmmmm anyway that lady is crazy!

TheonlyMrs(Kassie)Cullen said...

PS: She's a horrible woman... I just watched the video, I had passed judgement without having all the facts and now that I've seen it the fact is... she is just horrible. Her husband is apparently huge AND wants to go down on her and she'd rather screw a laundry basket wtf???

LuvsMeSumEdward said...

Um...wtmf?! She really does it with her laundry basket?? o.O I am dying to watch this vid cause I don't get how she "gets it" but I can't cause my kid is sitting right here. I'll comment again once I get to watch :)

Living with Edward said...

Husband: "I've got a big one for ya."
Wife: "Oh, um, I'm kind of busy."
Husband: "I also have a very ready and willing tongue."
Wife: "Ew."
Husband: "What's wrong?"
Wife: "Are you saying that you have a large woman pleasing cock that is only meant for me and that you want to give me oral sex and pleasure me wildly for hours on end until I'm so satisfied that I'll melt? That you are every woman's sexual dream?"
Husband: "That's exactly what I'm saying, baby."
Wife: "Yeah, I don't think you're right for me."
Wifes runs to laundry basket.
Wife: "I love you laundry basket! You are the perfect man!"
Husband: "WTF?!"

Jen (P.E.'s Ho) said...

I am so confused. How in hell does one look at the laundry basket and decide, "Yeah, I think I'll hump that".

After watching the video, it's obvious that she has some issues with respect and superiority...

I'll never look at my laundry basket the same...but I certainly won't be utilizing it like this fruit loop!!

Funny post. Loved it.

Double_Dippin said...

LIKE...OHMAHGOD...and a WTF all rolled into a ???? I don't know..I mean spin cycle is prolly a better lover.. you guys are sooo funny, and I love the post... Mwah babies..

PurpleCupcake said...

LMAO! Mr & I were watching Chelsea Lately & saw that woman! We just gaped at eachother. I had no words! But hell, you managed to come up with the best words for this uptight, crazy, scary lady! Because any woman who bitches about her husbands big dick & "EEWs" at gratuitous oral is fucking SCARY!
@Living with Edward, you are the comment icing on this hilarious bloggy cake.

Musing Bella said...

Oh my goodness! OK, first of all, @LwE - you kill me. You are my comedy hero.

Now, WTF is wrong with that woman?? I watched the video, and she humps the bottom corner of that thing. Invest in a vibrator, lady! That basket's been on the floor! I hope she's keeping her panties on. Yu-uck.
And her poor husband! Way to emasculate a perfectly nice guy on national tv and internet, lady.

"He's too big." "I never wanted him to do oral sex on me." I wish those were MY problems. Sheesh!

Great post!!

Jenny Jerkface said...

First of all - I will never ever be embarrassed that I discovered far better uses for my Squiggle Wiggle Writer pen then it's intended use. Because that's creativity. Humping a corner of a laundry basket is not.

He has a monster cock and wants to eat your pussy? HOW FUCKING DARE HE?!?!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?!?!

Hint - he's not the problem.

Also, at one point, he was looking at her and I'm pretty the next time she tries to do laundry that basket is going to be gone and divorce papers are going to be sitting in its place.

HE HAS A HUGE COCK AND WANTS TO EAT YOU OUT!!! WHAT IN JUMPING JEEZUS IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU.

Okay, I'm done. I'm off the change the laundry... be back later. Possibly much later.

RobzSinger said...

oh yeah, that triangular hamper is calling my name. lol!!!!!

i saw this on chelsea lately, love her by the way. i could not believe this woman was casually talking about how she got it on with her laundry basket! wtf!

someone has a serious sense of humor having those two end up together. life is not fuckin fair.

Jenny Jerkface said...

Wow, actually the laundry basket it something else! Woohooo!!

Kidding.

I made ML watch and he just shook his head and muttered, "he's a got a big cock and wants to go down? I don't think the problem is him..."

Dangrdafne said...

"I think her husband was confused when she said her pussy loves the laundry basket." LMAO!!!! Love that pic and caption.

I won't even watch the video, sorry I just can't do it.

Hilarious post!!!

LwE Hilarious comments!!! LMAO!!!


I guess if she wants to Snuggle afterward she needs the Snuggle bear. Maybe she just likes it spring fresh... I want to say lemony fresh but that would be dish detergent and I really don't want to think about her and the dishwasher. Oh my

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

I'm sorry I'm late to this party...but I was having sex with the ironing board.

Living with Edward said...

@Mrs P: LOLOL

I don't think the Oprah show is the right one for this lady. Perhaps "My Strange Addiction" would be a better choice.

But her and her husband could bond over this if she doesn't want to take advantage of his large pleasing cock. While she is kneeling over it on the floor "taking advantage" of the corner, he can use one of the holes on the side. At least it's something they can "do" together.... Where was the therapist on that one?

@DD: The video is not what you think. It's something you would see on a daily tv interview. Nothing raunchy.

Living with Edward said...

Why is the most I've done any blog commenting in a month on a post about laundry basket sex. What the hell is wrong with me?

Dangrdafne said...

@ LwE - I am still not watching the video - I just don't need to know :) And I am concerned that either you are interested in laundry basket sex or... well I really don't know. But it is kind of odd and disturbing that this is the most you have blogged in awhile. Hmmmmm

miss tejota said...

When I get to a computer I MUST watch the video.

The kitty in the laundry basket was HI-larious. I farted. So frakkin' funny.

And I won't lie I got a bit hot and bothered by the R2-D2 hamper. I got a thing for R2, what can I say.

norcaltwitard said...

Really, the laundry basket?!? There is something seriously wrong with that woman. I cant even wrap my mind around how that would go, much less how she can wrap her assumingly gigantic whorehole around the corner of a laundry basket. Can domeone pass the brain bkeach please?

TheRugbymom said...

@Musing Bella "That basket's been on the floor!" Hahaha! That isn't the first objection I had.

This post + these comments have me PMSL!

This woman seriously needs a bitch-slap to her stupid head! She's got exactly what we are all dreaming of (and reading about on FFN) and she says "Ew!" What the ever-lovin' fuck????

I've seen some pretty unbelievable stuff (porn) on xtube, and I ask myself - "Where do these people come from? What the hell is wrong with them?" But this woman just might take the cake! And people say WE are crazy because we're obsessed with a fictional vampire! We are so NORMAL !!!!

Sorry. I guess I'm being judgmental and I shouldn't throw stones. Imma just go quietly and have some private time with my hairbrush now. (It's OK. I don't ever use it on my hair!) Just kidding! I've got the Goodie Bag 'o Dildoes! Woot!

succubus said...

To be honest, that's a sexy fucking laundry basket, the color just screams "fuck me" and the holes in it are perfect for a little finger play when I'm mounting the corner.

I couldn't stand the interviewer saying "self-stimulation" that's the worst euphemism for masturbation I've ever heard...

I've gotta go, my dust mop just gave me a come hither look...

Dangrdafne said...

@TheRugbyMom - well not the hair on your head any way ;)

Jaymes805 said...

Haha I don't even know what to say other than all of your comments kept me laughing today hardcore and a lot of times I was in a public place and looked like an idiot but I don't even care. Seriously our readers/followers are freaking hilarious, I love you all so much. I would reply to each of you individually but they would all say something like "HAHAHAHAHA you just made me pee!"

Demanda had this idea for the blog post earlier this week or last week.. I can't remember because we lag like that. She IM'ed me about it at work and I was so confused so we decided to talk about it at lunch. When we went to lunch we were sitting by other people so our conversation mostly sounded like this:

Me: "Um how does she....."
Demanda: "Turns it upside down and uses the corner"

Me: "But why...."
Demanda: "Who knows.... she's the breadwinner or something"

Me: "When did she......"
Demanda: "You'll have to watch the video."

Good thing we can read each others mind or else our convo would have seriously disturbed people sitting near us.

I really don't think we'll ever be able to write another blog post. It's going to be very difficult to find a topic to top this one. Now if you'll excuse me, the corner of my night stand looks mighty sexy.

Twired Jen said...

Oh my gawd that chick has ISSUES..I mean I'm all about whatever floats your boat, as long as it doesn't harm or offend anyone...BUT publicly humiliating your husband on TV is lame... talk with a therapist if you need to, IN PRIVATE BIOTCH. I wonder how he felt? You can tell she wears the pants..er..laundry basket in that fam.

Hysterical post.

xo J

Lindsay Rae said...

BWAHAHAHAH!!!!

I just......I think I need to send my laundry out now. Or have The Bentist do the laundry. At least until I forget about this.

Funny fucking post, chick. HILARIOUS.

TongueTwied said...

OH. MY. GOD!

I cannot believe she aired that dirty laundry basket!

So it sounds like it started out as just that one time in college...

LMAO that Demanda put a basket on your bed. That's what friends are for!

Smitten said...

This is still just as funny and bizarre as when I read it the first time.

Had to come back and real all the comments. You ladies kill me with your hilarity!

miss tejota said...

Okay I watched the video and they both have issues. And with that being said, I'll take him and work on his issues in my bed.

And he can watch me dry hump that R2D2 hamper and then he can do all the dirty things he wants to do to me in the manner he wants to do them. HA!

Demanda said...

Oh my Edward you ladies are a RIOT! Seriously laughed my ass off all day yesterday and today. THANK YOU for being you!

I seriously contemplated writing this post because I didn't want to offend any of my hOOrs just in case humping your laundry basket it your cup of tea.

PHEW that you all are on the same page as me!!! ;)

I love you ladies!!! <3

TheRugbymom said...

@DangrDafne There is no hair down there bb!

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

I FINALLY watched it! What. The. Fuck.

As Lisa said, one of the funniest in AGES. And the comments - priceless.

xxxx

Twi-Lin said...

I read this the other day but haven't had time to comment...Some of the comments above had me laughing again!

I agree with @jenny Jerkface "HE HAS A HUGE COCK AND WANTS TO EAT YOU OUT!!! WHAT IN JUMPING JEEZUS IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?"

WTF???? That women has some very serious issues.

That poor husband when I watching the video I was thinking I haven't seen a man so emasculated since watching Jon & Kate plus 8.

I also never ever dreamed in a billion years to use a laundry basket to rub myself on and I'm kind of a pervy girl. So now I looking around my room...ummm maybe my lotion bottle...no how about the lint roller? It's a good thing I'm getting stuff lasered or else I might give myself a new process of hair removal...just kidding...I have enough toys in my toy drawer I don't need to resort to household items.

libbybelle said...

i have to tell this story!

i was talking to my hubs a bit ago about the twitter convo that was going on about the lady that humps her laundry basket and he shared this with me....

he dated a girl that told him she could only come by humping her teddy bear or....wait for it....humping her coworkers vests!

she worked at a movie theatre and they all had to wear vests and she would take the ones that weren't being used and ball them up and hump them!

he was smart enough to run away after that omission! but holy fuck there are a lot of fucking crazies out there!