Thursday, January 27, 2011

How Using Incorrect Punctuation Leads To Awesome Ideas

If you read our last post, you know there's absolutely NO way I can top it. It was just way too good and I'm going to need to think of something utterly spectacular to get anywhere near that awesome.

Last weekend was an extremely lazy one. Both Demanda and I weren't feeling well. I think she received an envelope full of Anthrax in the mail and I had a sickness resembling SARS, emphysema, or malaria (not really sure what SARS is but it sounds gross). I had this sickness for 28 days and it sucked donkeys balls. Luckily we're both feeling a little better now so maybe by this coming weekend we'll be good to go (go where, I don't know.)

I had my idea for a blog post all picked out based on a convo me and some sexy h00rs had on twitter last week. But then something happened the other night. Demanda went to bed at like 8:30 because she accidentally overdosed on sicky meds so I was bored with no one to talk to. I hopped on my computer to catch up on all my blog reading and I got an email telling me I had a new follower request on Twitter. This new follower was none other than the amazing, the stellar, the timeless........



Motha F'ing Glamour Shots,  yo!! 

Yes, Glamour Shots: The White Trash Makeover. Not gonna lie, I thought these things were pretty sweet back in the day. I might have even gotten them taken. BUT only because I won a radio contest or some shit and it was free. I was 12 or 13 and yes, I looked gorgeous. Just like everyone looks when they get all glammed up in blue eye shadow and red lipstick while being photographed wrapped up in a cocoon made of metallic fabric.



Exhibit A. The stylist wraps you like that so you can't run out screaming.  

I don't have much to say on the subject of Glamour shots (I keep typing Glamour Shits, which is definitely what they should have been called) because I think the pictures speak for themselves.


You don't need to hold your hair up like that, just let the Aquanet do it's job. 


Come on, you're dressed glamorous, your bangs are kickin and you have a  pretty rose for that special someone.  Pep it up! 


Nothing says "cowgirl chic" like bright gold gloves to match your fancy hat. 

Even Willard Scott's friends get Glamour shots!


After I had noticed that Glamour Shits (I've stopped correcting the spelling, I think it's better this way) was trying to follow me on Twitter, I wrote a nice little tweet about it. But because I am too tired at night to use proper punctuation, I wrote this




And then I got the following response from Suz:



I read her tweet, giggled for a bit and then googled "dude glamour shots" and after what I saw, I knew I had the topic for my next post. So thank you Suz! And to all of my followers, go visit her over at Suz's Petals. Maybe she'll inspire you for your next blog post too!


Now I will leave you with what started this whole post. I present to you.......drumroll please.......

Dude Glamour Shits!!


Put on all the glittery crap you want, you'll never be a Cullen.




How sweet, he took a picture with the only pussy he'll ever get.

And last, but not least. Our favorite glamour Shit


Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite 
Hope you enjoyed all of the lovely and sexy eye candy. Tell me in the comments, have you ever had Glamour Shits or similar pictures taken? What was your experience like? If you REALLY wanna be bold you can email them to us (borderline.phenomenal@gmail.com). Maybe if you show me yours, I'll show you mine.

-Jaymes

17 comments:

norcaltwitard said...

I'm pretty sure that is willard scott...not one of his friends. You know what's kinda sad...the girl in the cowboy hat is actually pretty but because the pic is soo bad she looks awful.

The dude glamour shots are eye bleach worthy for sure *shudders*

Lindsay Rae said...

OH.MY.HELL. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! YES! This is amazing. First of all, sorry you've been sick. But apparently it is totally worth it. Because these blog posts are fucking epic!

I knew a couple of girls who got Glam Shots instead of Senior Pics. Oh yeah. I wish I had my yearbooks with me so I could scan them in. Senior pics are super expensive, so I guess I can see the pull, but DAYUM! What were you THINKING?!?!!

Love the fucking captions, chick. LOVE THEM. Especially for the dudes.

miss tejota said...

Hysterical. I had no clue Glamour Shits still existed. Those photos are making me fart. One they're funny, two I've done them. See below:

In the early 90's, Glamour Shits were the thing. I hate to admit I've had them done then, but I did. They were my senior/ HS graduation photos. IT WAS HORRIBLE!!! I was 17 and I looked 30 because they put SO MUCH make-up on me. My mother made me wear all these girly dresses that should cleavage and I'm not that girl. I've had stretch marks over my whole frakkin' body after a weird growth spurt. So I'm super insecure about them, but my mother didn't care she wanted me to be feminine so the boobs needed to make an appearance. It took hours. And my stylist acted like I was here on personal pet project. She had a fieldday. I think my mother paid her triple to make me miserable. Any way, after 9 million different pictures, in dresses, a jacket, cap and gown I was done. I thought I was free, but I forgot about the necessary HS experience exchanging pictures. I so wanted to throw them away, but my mother had moles in the school and she would know they weren't given out. Damn her. Anyway if exchanging those horrid pictures weren't bad enough my mother had them up in her office, 8x10's. They were everywhere, with family, family friends. I guess it was the only proof to them that I was a girl. I was a bit of a tomboy.

Dude, sorry for the major babble. I'll put a check in the mail for the virtual therapy session that appeared to occur.

I_heart_Fifty / TwiKiwi said...

Fucking hilarious. You rock my socks. That is all.

Smitten said...

Hahahaha! And excellent follow-up to laundry hamper lovin!!

I didn't even realize Glamour Shits (hehe) was still around, I thought that died out with all the other 80's trash. Those pictures are fucking hilarious!!!!

Maybe Dude Glamour Shots is your calling! *snort*

TongueTwied said...

I didn't know they were still around! LMAO at the 'pussy' caption!!!

Lemme think...
vodka shots
tequila shots
body shots
golschlager shots
AfterShock shots
Ice block shots

nope, no Glamour Shots. I think you can tell I had better things to spend my money on back in the day. And aren't you glad I used the word sh"o"ts for the list I made and not "i"? ;)

suzspetals said...

You're very welcome... I shall wait patiently for my royalty check.

Maybe I'll tease my hair while I wait.

Dangrdafne said...

Well I can safely say the women look better than the boys, for sure!

I did a Mary Kay makeover once that did a before and after picture. I will admit I LOVE that after picture. I still think I look amazing (for the time) in the picture :)

PS I don't know why you were worried about topping the last post - this was perfect. Love the captions!!


wv: sqyel - I sqyeled that you posted!! I also sqyeled when I saw those Glamor Shots of the boys LOL!

AGirlintheSouth said...

Holy crap, Batman! Dude Glamour Shits. Can't.Stop.Laughing. Great post! Now I have to go clean the Diet Dr. Pepper off my screen!

TexasKatherine said...

The woman in the red dress is me, bitch. Don't hate. Actually that does look like an age progression photo of my 6th grade school picture.

TheonlyMrs(Kassie)Cullen said...

Sheesh am I really glad I was not around for the popularity of Glamour Shots dodged a bullet there. However I do have many many pictures from the early to late 90s that are quite embarrassing.

PS: "he took a picture with the only pussy he'll ever get." was freakin awesome lmao

Living with Edward said...

LO friggin L! Those shots are soo funny. I love the pussy one. And Uncle Rico! LOL

So this post got me to thinking. Tell me if you're on board. Forks Glamour Shots!!!

Musing Bella said...

OME - Forks Glamour Shots would be fucking EPIC. I'm in.

This is an awesomely hilarious post - I had no idea guys did glamour shots, too! I never had them done, but I sooooooo wanted to back in the day. It felt like all my friends did them. Now, I'm kinda glad they're not round to haunt me. I just know some asshole would put them up on facebook.

*Jelena* said...

How the hell did I not know about the existence of this blog? Oh my. Freaking hilarious.

No glamour shots for me. Thank fuck, LoL.

@LWE - Forks glamour shots? Ok, I think you've just given me the biggest reason to save up for the trip.

Chloe Cougar said...

Flurve this post! Thankfully, the only 'professional' shots I've had taken have been of me and my family. I don't even think Glamour Shits (oops! sorry!) Shots exists here in the UK.

*Runs off to Google it*

Fab post, as always. Hope you're both feeling better now.

CC x

RobzSinger said...

lol! love this post. glad you feel better.
dude glamour shots ftmfw!

Jacob said...

I was not around for the popularity of Glamor Shots dodged a bullet there.