Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A Public Apology to Demanda

Dear Demanda,

I know you've been absent from this blog since two days before Halloween and for that I forgive you. Now I'm hoping you can forgive me.

When I said last night that people probably think we are losers for STILL living together and that maybe I should move into the condo next door so we look a little cooler, I did not mean it the way it sounded. I was drunk on soup and I think you were too because I doubt that was actually water in your wine glass like you claimed.

My plan is to knock out the wall between the condos upstairs in the living room and downstairs between the bathrooms. Downstairs we will have one HUGE bathroom so we can pluck our eyebrows and watch our cats pee in the sink and stare at their reflections (our seperate upstairs bathrooms would be used for potty time). We will also have two downstairs rooms dedicated to Twilight and other things we obsess over like.



Like this only cooler..and minus the creepy lady.


Admit it. You'd crap your pants if you walked into a room with a full size Edward, Jacob and Emmett standing around. I could even get you a full size Emmett from the picture on your computer screen.



Yep, that's the stuff.


Now I know I shouldn't have to explain to you how "mo-betta" this change would be. But I will list it out if it helps my cause:

1) More room to run/skip/ride Stick Horse around in.

2) Our cats would be utterly confused if our condo suddenly doubled in size, thus giving them more rooms than just your bedroom, your bathroom and my bedroom to play in at night. Bye bye assholes!

3) We could invite people over and have hide and seek parties.

4) Two kitchens. Two refrigerators. More cheese. Think about it.

5) Our living room would be massive. We could make one side exactly like the other and then people would just think there was one wall that was a huge mirror. When they look in the "mirror" and don't see their reflection, we will convince them that they are a ghost. Spooky.

6) Our place would be AWESOME.



We already have the ocean view. But I doubt it would be this clean.

Now I know we've gotten in major fights before over doritos and the pronounciation of Barnes and Noble, but please forgive me for this. I promise I have your best interests at heart. That other time I said I was moving out was just because I was brainwashed by an ex-boyfriend. Luckily the shock therapy wore off and I came to my senses.

If you don't forgive me, I will be forced to eat all your football oreos out of sadness before you get home tonight. I have two hours to down those things... don't think I won't.

Loves you bunches,

Jaymes

UPDATE: This is Demanda's response. I seriousy DIED of laughter while reading this at my desk. Tears streaming down my face big time.

A Public Hate Mail to Jamie,

How DARE you want to move away from me. No we are not losers.. We're two females who can live together without being douchy. You and I have had our fair share of catty roommates, I will become them so you realize how cool I really am. YOU'RE A DICK.

Yes, maybe our cat, (SourPatchKid) pees in the bathroom sink for whatever reason. So what if the fat one likes to blink lovingly at herself in the mirror?? They are our KIDS, how are you going to split them up. DICK!

However...

You miiiight have a point.

Stick Horse (Boo boo Robert Patty Pants) will have more room to be ridden (ha ha ha).

It would also be nice to get a full nights sleep without W.W.IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII going on in my bedroom every night. Hitting the cats with a pillow is now ineffective. A bat might be the next step.

I could look at Kellan all day long if you had a full size cut out of my screen-saver. If my pants are wet after staring at him.. I peed.. nothing else. And stop looking, gross.

I see where you're going with the whole two refrigerators.. I like this one A LOT.

I'm not going to lie, you sound like a pervert with your desire to throw "hide and seek" parties. It's creepy and I no longer would like to be your life partner.

IF YOU EVEN GO AS FAR AS LOOKING AT MY FOOTBALL OREOS, I WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR STICK HORSE AND HE-MAN PILLOW CASE.

You've been warned.

Much Hate,
Amanda

ps... I semi accept your apology.

14 comments:

My After Car Is An XKR said...

LMAO!!! How do you come up with this stuff? The whole part about the mirror wall and ghosts cracked me up. Enjoy those Oreos :)

PS - you have an ocean view??? Pictures!

Demanda said...

A Public Hate Mail to Jamie,

How DARE you want to move away from me. No we are not loosers.. We're two females who can live together without being douchey. You and I have had our fair share of catty roommates, I will become them so you realize how cool I really am. YOU'RE A DICK.

Yes, maybe our cat, (SourPatchKid) pees in the bathroom sink for whatever reason. So what if the fat one likes to blink lovingly at herself in the mirror. They are our KIDS, how are you going to split them up. You're a DICK!

However...

You miiiight have a point.

Stick Horse (Boo boo Robert Patty Pants) will have more room to be rode (ha ha ha).

It would also be nice to get a full nights sleep without W.W.IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII going on in my bedroom every night. Hitting the cats with a pillow is now ineffective. A bat might be the next step.

I could look at Kellan all day long if you had a full size cut out of my screen-saver. If my pants are wet after staring at him.. I peed.. nothing else. And stop looking, gross.

I see where you're going with the whole two refrigerators.. I like this one A LOT.

I'm not going to lie, you sound like a pervert with your desire to throw "hide and seek" parties. It's creepy and I no longer would like to be your life partner.

IF YOU EVEN GO AS FAR AS LOOKING AT MY FOOTBALL OREOS, I WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR STICK HORSE AND HE-MAN PILLOW CASE.

You've been warned.

Much Hate,
Amanda

ps... I semi accept your apology.

My After Car Is An XKR said...

LMAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO You guys are hilarious!!!! When are you getting your own reality show?

miss tejota said...

Hilarious! I now want to bring my feline and live with you. Can I buy the condo on the other side? No need to knock out walls on my side, I just come over when I'm in the mood for laughs and drinks, which honestly would be ALL THE FRAKKIN' TIME.

Still laughing and a tad bit jealous.

PurpleCupcake said...

I am DYING! You crazy h00rs warm the cockles of my demented heart!
~Much love, Babes

Mrs. P @ TwiBite said...

I've done less for more cheese...sounds good to me.

Lindsay Rae said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I'm laughing my ass of and I don't even think I'm allowed to BE here!

DaisyDarkside said...

I guess this was amusing enough to take me away from my internet porn for 10 min....

Charla said...

LoL I love it! :)

Living with Edward said...

Holy crap. I now want to live with you ladie. LOL

Twired Jen said...

Football oreos? Umm I love you two. This shit is funny. PS, want a third roomate? JK.

xo J

Baby Ditton said...

Um, I use to live with you ladies - you better not be referring to me as the "catty" roomate. UH -OH!!!! I am the CAT-ty roomate!!! Baby ditton is not happy. :-(

Jaymes805 said...

Haha oh baby ditton, we are not talking about you. We aren't talking about anyone you know... just randoms. We love you and your CATness. You are the Fred to our Christina.

Jaymes805 said...

We crack me up. Silly girls.